What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
