Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
