Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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