ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
