well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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