Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
