I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
