Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
