Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
