everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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