I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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