That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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