So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
