It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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