I just threw up on my dentist
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
