i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
