walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
