lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
