i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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