too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
