No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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