My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
