This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
