i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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