just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
