he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
