I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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