she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
