I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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