I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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