We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
