Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
