We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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