Dual....:-)
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
