On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
