So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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