He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Holy sore nipples Batman
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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