brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
