Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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