I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you made out with another girl for some wings
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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