So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
