There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
