Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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