I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
