I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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