It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
