In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he fucked my hip out of place.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Can I color on your dick again?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
