He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
