Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
