Please, let me fuck your mom
my sisters under your porch take her home
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
