Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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