Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
