so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
