god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
