The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
