Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
