the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
