They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need a beard to bite.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
