Whod you bang
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
