I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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