I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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