I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
