haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
