Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
