frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
