so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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