Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
