I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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