TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
