I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
